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Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You, by Susan J. Elliott
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It’s over—and it really hurts. But as unbelievable as it may seem when you are in the throes of heartache, you can move past your breakup. Forget about trying to win your ex back. Forget about losing yourself and trying to make this person love you. Forget it! Starting today, this breakup is the best time to change your life for the better, inside and out.
Getting Past Your Breakup is a proven road map for overcoming the painful end of any romantic relationship, even divorce. Through her workshops and popular blog, Susan Elliott has helped thousands of clients and readers transform their love lives. Now she’ll help you put your energy back where it belongs—on you. Her plan includes:
• The rules of disengagement: how and why to go “no contact” with your ex• How to work through grief, move past fear, and take back your life• The secret to breaking the pattern of failed relationships• What to do when you can’t stop thinking about your ex, texting, calling, checking social networking sites, or driving by the house
Complete with inspiring stories from real people and strategies to jump-start the moving-on process, Getting Past Your Breakup is the most effective plan for getting permanently past a breakup, getting your confidence back, and opening yourself to true love.
- Sales Rank: #936838 in Books
- Published on: 2014-11-18
- Formats: Audiobook, MP3 Audio, Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 6.75" h x .50" w x 5.25" l,
- Running time: 7 Hours
- Binding: MP3 CD
From Publishers Weekly
An estimated 43 percent of marriages in the U.S. end in separation or divorce, a grim reminder that most all of us experiences at least one painful breakup in our lifetimes; speaker and certified grief therapist Elliot has come to understand that many aren't successful in overcoming that pain, which can stall anyone's personal and professional life indefinitely. Using her personal experience and stories from her practice, Elliott provides sound advice for those still driving by the ex's house or obsessed with self-blame. She advises a cold-turkey, "No Contact" blanket rule, but doesn't ignore the reality of situations involving mutual friends or a shared workplace, and provides seven rules for making things easier on the kids. As the end of a relationship can be much like the death of a loved one, Elliott also reviews the grief process and its importance in processing loss. While working through grief and putting time into serious self-examination won't necessarily "transform your life into everything you've always wanted it to be," the payoff should be steady progress toward a mended heart, a clear conscience and a stronger sense of self.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
About.com, “Top Breakup Books,” 1/1/10
“An excellent breakup book that assists not only in dealing with the shock of a relationship ending, but also how to move past the breakup to become a stronger, better person in spite/because of it. Topics such as dealing with breakup myths (“I need closure!”) and boundaries (how do I not get into this situation ever again) are refreshing and well-suited to the tone and style. Highly recommended.”
About.com, 1/1/10
“A well thought out and surprisingly thorough book about dealing with a breakup…With chapters on learning new boundaries and how to tell the kids, Elliot has covered topics that most books of this genre ignore outright. Chapter 2, The Rules of Disengagement, are a must-read for anyone who has ever suffered a bad breakup, particularly the list of items that keep folks stuck in their grief—most notably the concept of needing closure after a failed relationship…Well written and thorough. Practical how-to's in every chapter. Warm and friendly tone that never comes across as condescending or judgmental.”
ForeWord This Week, 4/22/09
“Each of the book's steps has been thoughtfully developed from the author's personal experience and her training and experience as a grief counselor.”
Bookviews, 6/09
“This book identifies the frequent mistakes people make during the early days of a breakup and explains how to avoid them. [Elliott] shows how to use the pain to grow, reassess your goals, and create a healthier life.”
Publisher's Weekly, 6/8/09
“Provides sound advice for those still driving by the ex's house or obsessed with self-blame.”
InfoDad.com
“Tell[s] people who have suffered relationship devastation how to get through the stages of grief associated with romantic implosion-and how to pick themselves up afterwards and come out of their distress better than they ever were before…Elliott's comments on the stages of grief, although scarcely new, can be helpful to just about anyone who feels devastated by the end of an intimate relationship.”
Midwest Book Review, June 2009
“An effective book any general lending library will find popular.”
Midwest Book Review, June 2009
“A recommended read for those looking for more reasons to embrace better health.”
Curled Up with a Good Book
“Elliott delivers the goods with a book that can help anyone get past a broken heart, and be stronger for it…The book provides solid, usable information told with compassionate understanding that really jumpstarts a heart that is on standby…The tools are priceless, and the inspiration to come out on top is what really makes this book stand out in the ocean of other self-help titles out there.”
YourTango.com, “Top 5 Breakup Books of 2009,” 1/1/10
“This practical book offers useful tips about how to get through the depressing post-breakup stages of loneliness and desolation. If you can't afford a therapist, this useful tome will help you take charge of your life instead of giving way to grief.”
Midwest Book Review, August 2010“What sets this book apart from other self help titles is the fact that the author has suffered the same type of heartache…If you are getting over a failed marriage, or a breakup of a relationship, then this is the must have book that will get you past your pain and suffering…[It] offers hope to those who are suffering. It will show you how to change a life altering experience into something that will change your life for the better.” Kansas City Star, 9/29/10“If you're in recovery from a relationship that ended… read this book.”
“Bookworm Sez”
“From the devastation that comes at the end of a relationship, through the reeling, dealing and healing, Elliott worms her way around all aspects of a broken heart…Getting Past Your Breakup will help you see a crystal-bright future.”
About the Author
Susan J. Elliott, JD, Med, is the creator of the Getting Past Your Past blog and seminar series. A motivational speaker, certified grief counselor, and attorney, she lives with her husband and family in New York.
Most helpful customer reviews
22 of 22 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent for anyone going through a life changing breakup
By HelloReese
This is a great book for anyone going through a significant breakup. While the tagline to the title is a bit overly optimistic - "How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You" - the actual title of the book, "Getting Past Your Breakup," is a true description of the great compassion and advice offered in this book.
I very much enjoy the author's style, as it feels like a wise older sister, older brother, older cousin, or older friend is speaking directly to you, recognizing that you are going through hell, and are hurting terribly, but also gently giving you advice about how to move beyond your present state of misery, and start taking steps towards healing and re-entering the world of the living - stronger, and healthier. A significant topic in the book is why it is essential to go "no contact" with your ex - no exceptions - and how to effectively go no contact if you happen to be in a circumstance where there is no way to completely avoid your ex, like if you have children together, or work together.
I didn't make my life changing breakup "the best thing that ever happened to me," through reading this book, but this book was great in helping me get over it and move on to better things.
59 of 64 people found the following review helpful.
A must have if ready for a change
By sb
I ordered this book during a very dark time. I had just been dumped for the third time by my ex and was truly heartbroken: this book is the best thing that happened in 2014. This writer was very candid in sharing her experiences about her first marriage. I appreciated the openness of this writer: Ms. Elliot was not just presenting facts she was sharing first hand knowledge of attracting the familiar. The familiar is being comfortable in situations from our childhood. After completing the relationship inventory and parent inventory - I recognized why I was drawn to these familiar unhealthy relationships. The connection was from my childhood.
The writer had many exercises and suggestions for how to start attracting the life that we were meant to live and not the unhealthy familiarity and dysfunction of our childhoods! The most helpful exercise that I use today are the affirmations; taking time to affirm the things I want to be.. ie , "I am worthy. " This tool in conjunction with the inventory exercises and meditation has changed my life! If you have lived with an alcoholic parent, emotionally withdrawn parent or a narcissistic parent this book is for you...
I have recommended this book to several people. I would strongly recommend this book to those looking to correct the dysfunction and get answers for learning to love yourself first to attract the mate you want to have. I know you maybe thinking like I did that you love yourself because you are highly educated, have great friends, health conscious, etc. Truthfully, I learned I was not loving myself because I was staying in relationships where the partner was emotionally withdrawn; turns out my closest parent was the same way. In order to live the best life and choose the best partner we have to love ourselves and accept nothing less than the best.
I apologize for the length of this review, but I hope it helps someone like it helped me! If you are reading this review heartbroken and tired of attracting the same type of people please get this book! !!
Take care , start loving yourself because you are amazing and please have the best year in 2015!
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Would highly recommend this book...
By Ms J.B.
I recently had a painful breakup (i did not do the breaking up). I knew deep down this guy was not for me at this stage in my life. The NC was extremely hard. It seemed to be easy for him. He has a troubled past and needs a lot of inner work. This book helped me to let go of what I thought I had with him. It took a lot of work but I do believe I am through it. Would not wish that pain on my worst enemy.
I would have given the book 5 stars but it seem to speak to a younger audience in waiting to date after a break up. I am near 60 years young and have a lot of love to give and receive. One of the things that has helped me was getting into a relationship after the break up. But my situation was a bit different...I was married, my husband and I were separated for 3 years, married for over 30 years. We both saw other people but decided to reconcile. I was blessed because although my husband and I are back together, we still live separately for now....this has given me time to work on me. Working on myself was the best gift I could give myself. I now can be a good wife and I can say, I see a good change in my husband. We treat each other the way we want to be treated. Took a lot of HARD work but so well worth it.
After working on self, I found that, it's ok if I have to be alone but I prefer to share my life with a man, the right man for me and so far, that man is my husband.
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